Wednesday, 23 July 2014

serious summer anxiety

When it comes to small talk there's nothing that fills an awkward silence at the office fridge like a banal comment about the weather, especially when that weather is extreme. Us Scots are used to summers with the heating on so the past few weeks of wonderfully warm weather has been a real talking point, with the masses in agreement that everything is better when the sun is shining.

The thing is, I'm not sure I agree. Don't get me wrong, the idea of hot weather is lovely but the reality makes me anxious, and here's why:

Dressing Appropriately
There's a big difference between summer clothes and summer holiday clothes. Sadly those bum-cheek flashing shorts, while perfect for the beach, are not deemed suitable office attire. Also, have you tried wearing black skinny jeans in this heat? It's akin to torture.

Bikini Fear
When it's hot, that extra half stone you put on after too many Christmas Quality Streets might as well be half a ton.You will be warm, you will be sweaty and all your clothes will feel like they belong to a toddler. Oh, and then you have to wear a bikini, great. In fact, I am drinking a green juice as I type this, hoping for a miracle.

Getting Places
Walking anywhere at speed is a no-go unless you want to arrive at your destination blotchy, damp and frizzy (I'm a head sweater). Buses are either steamy and sweaty, or boiling and stinking of BO and I'm not a cyclist myself but I can imagine that's a moist affair.

Being at work and not outside
Let's face it, sods law dictates that the best weather will be when you're stuck in a sweltering office with nothing but a shared fan to keep you cool. Come the weekend the clouds will gather and the rain will literally piss on your picnic. Spending your lunch break sunning yourself outside will only make returning to work more painful, trust me, it's not worth it.

So yes, sometimes I wish for winter. For chic woollen coats, opaque tights and numb fingers and toes. But I'll be the first to complain when this scorcher of a summer ceases, I'm fickle like that.

I shouldn't complain: Edinburgh's pretty beautiful in the sunshine.

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